


Sing for You

by fuyuki_peridot



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Light Angst, M/M, finally i wrote something again, not really but kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 04:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12291594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuyuki_peridot/pseuds/fuyuki_peridot
Summary: The confession is long since overdue...but he can still try and make it right.





	Sing for You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snanmob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snanmob/gifts).



> for snanmob, who made me realize the power of angst and persuaded me to attempt some angst.

The confession is long since overdue, this he knows.

 

But even now, when spring melts almost imperceptibly into summer and the flowers begin to wither under the muggy heat, and the birds begin their bright songs early in the mornings... even now, the notecards are crumpled and out of sight- but not forgotten.

 

Jongdae sees them in the midst of his slightly-late spring cleaning, and picks one up. It's slightly crumpled and dusty from the lonely corner it was laying around in.

 

_I love you so much, but I can't say it aloud-_

 

The notecard flutters back to the ground, slipping between his trembling fingers. He decides not to look at the rest of them, reminders of the thoughts he couldn't voice aloud, reminders of what he planned to say to his most beloved person in the wide and lonely world.

 

But he's missed his chance.

 

Summer lends itself to a mild autumn, and the leaves turn beautiful, warm colors and fall away from the trees. It creates a crunchy carpet underneath a clear, blue sky- the precise shade of blue that was his favorite color. Once the thought has been formed, Jongdae can't look at the sky without finding himself on the verge of a mental breakdown. He decides to stay inside to avoid it, but...

 

In every corner of his room and every corner of his home, there is a trace, no matter how seemingly insignificant and faint. Even in the backyard, the dead pumpkin plants... he can't revive them anymore.

 

He can't make this right anymore, either.

 

The trees and rooftops and ground and everything around him becomes frosted as winter rolls in, cold and steely. He sees the couples walk briskly past under layers of clothes, bundled up against the frost, trying to complete their Christmas shopping as soon as possible. The sight floods him with nostalgia so heavy it makes him numb, both to the cold and other painful emotions.

 

He stays in his room with the heater on almost constantly, but to stay in his room is to inevitably see the notecards and next to them, he'd almost forgotten it was there, the old guitar... it seems isolated and alone.

 

It reminds him of one of the earlier notes he had scribbled out, spurred by a sudden burst of inspiration and emotion.

 

_Even though you're my everything, sometimes, I feel worse than a stranger_

 

When he wrote than one, Jongdae remembers in an almost detached way, he could feel thankful everyday, even if they didn't talk, because just seeing him doing well... Minseok was the gift that God had given him.

 

This thought, too, brings about an intense feeling of despair, so crushing it feels like something was physically weighing his heart down.

 

And he decides that he really will confess.

 

He waits for the right day, and as he waits, he cleans the dust off the guitar. It's really a fine guitar- a bit old, sure, but it still creates a beautiful sound- sober and sad, but a little hopeful. And he collects the notecards carefully, and he knows now that he won't need them. But he keeps them on his desk anyways.

 

And it takes a while, but the bitter winter passes and another spring rolls around. This time, the air feels sweet and light. The sky is bright and blue. Minseok would have appreciated this shade as well, Jongdae thinks.

 

It takes an even longer while for spring to come to a close, but when it nears the end, it's time. He picks up the old guitar, and buys a bouquet of flowers, and he confirms the date- March 26.

 

Perfect.

 

He drives without really thinking much. He's just ready to get it off his chest, and fulfill the unspoken promise he'd made to both himself and Minseok.

 

And he stands alone at the headstone, and gently places the bouquet down. It's alright. He'd like to be alone. He's sure Minseok would have liked to enjoy a moment like this alone as well.

 

And it takes him a few moments to find the beat and the notes, but when he does, the confession trapped for so long, weighing him down... it flows easily, and his voice is strong and steady and full of love as he sings without the notecards' help:

 

_As I pick up my old guitar_

_The confession I could not make-_

_As if I just wrote a song_

_Just listen, I'll sing for you_

 

Jongdae's voice wavers a little bit on the last note and he feels his hands tremble. But he has to get it out.

 

_I love you so much but I can't say it aloud_

_It's awkward, my pride won't allow it_

_Today I'll take courage and say it_

_Just listen, I'll sing for you_

 

He vaguely notices other visitors stopping to listen, but there is only one thing that will understand and alleviate his pain...

 

_The way you cry, the way you smile_

_I wonder how much they mean to me_

 

Jongdae begins to cry now, the tears really pouring from his eyes. But he hasn't finished and he won't stop yet, not until he's made himself heard.

 

_The words I wanted to say, but I missed my chance_

_I'll make it right_

_Just listen-_

 

He can't finish. It's all he can do to not drop the guitar... but he brings his hands back into motion and plays the last few bars.

 

_Just listen, I'll sing for you_

_Sing for you_

_Just listen to me once and smile_

 

He imagines Minseok's bright smile, his adorable laugh, the deep love he's felt all this time. He manages to smile through his tears.

 

Finally, he's made his confession.

 

It's just a shame that his love can't hear him.

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!!! wow i have been meaning to write for a while now but... yeah...
> 
> obviously, this work is inspired by sfy. that song is really special to me, the lyrics are so sad and i connect with it. such a beautiful song. i took the feeling i get from the song and put it into fanfic! xiuchdn fanfic!! because i am a sucker! for! xiuchen!!!! 
> 
> thank you so much for reading ♡ hope you enjoyed


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